How do you celebrate a day that belonged to your mom for your whole entire life, until last year?
I don't feel sad this year, yet. I don't feel as angry as I did last year. Yet. I don't know how I feel. Do I just keep continuing on like today is nothing? Do I honor her some special way and continue that tradition? What if it makes the kids sad? What if they forget her because I don't do something to make them remember that she's still with us, even if her body isn't?
Grief counseling is helping a ton. But on days like today, I'm not sure if counseling could even help. I just want to crawl into my mom's arms and have her hold me. I guess we're always our parents kids, huh?
So, ma, I hope you're up in heaven, having one hell of a party with Aunt Normie, Grandmama, Grandpapa, Paul, Colleen, and the rest of our crazy family. I love you, and I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you that as much as I should have. Happy Birthday, ma.