Am I screwing this up? Thoughts on Parenting..

When you have kids, nobody gives you a training booklet or a manual on how not to eff it up. They should, but they don't. Okay, in reality, I know that there's no cookie cutter "one-size-fits-most" approach to parenting, but the bottom line is- sometimes the job just sucks.

There are definite seasons of parenting, too. One season, you look back at it, and say, this was a great season in parenting.. our kids aren't schmucks, they didn't argue with each other a ton, and nobody at school was bit, hit or kicked. You smile, and pat yourself on the back a little, and move into the next season, hoping it can only be as successful.

Little do you know, you're about to walk into the most hellish experience of your life. Your teenager talks back, got his first 2 cavities, and his first F on his report card. Your 10 year old {who is normally well behaved and follows directions} decided she wants to see just how much attitude she can dish before mommy pulls out her own hair, and the toddler. Oh, the toddler.

Because he is potty training, you have to stop at every single potty, at every single public place you stop for several weeks.  This is your third time potty training, so it shouldn't be "new news" but somehow, you don't recall it being *this* bad. I know if that's my only complaint, I should rejoice and be glad, but I'm really tired of taking the tour of local public potties.

Did I mention the teenager got an "F"??? What class did he get an F in? Oh, you know, just 'Business Tech', the class that when he started and they handed out the syllabus and it said, "In this class we will learn how to use Power Point, Excel, and sharpen our typing skills", and your son is the smart ass that interrupts the class to say, "I've known how to use those programs since 1st grade." Yeah... that's the class he failed.

Now, I'm an "old lady" by my kids standards, but it wasn't too long ago when I was in 7th grade. I had straight A's and busted my ass to get them. I was afraid if I didn't my parents would kill me. Still to this day, I have no idea if that was something they said to me or instilled in me somehow, but what I would do to instill it in this boy!! He is SO smart- "gifted" actually- but sometimes he acts like the dullest crayon in the box, if you know what I'm saying. He's taken his autism diagnosis and truly made growth in leaps and bounds.. With the help of his ABA and his counselor, his behavior at school has improved. When the ABA is here, he generally does well, but when they're not, he becomes an entitled little shit.

The disrespect is what kills me the most. I try to raise all of my kids not to be disrespectful.. I have no idea if this is "the age", "the autism", or just my son. Either way, it sucks.

I know from experience that it is just a season, and that "this too shall pass", but for the love of God, it's nothing but chaos! I sent a snap to my friend on snap chat last night and said... "there's not enough wine in the house for this...." and it has never been more truer.

Please someone who has an older son, or daughter, tell me that this is just a phase, too???

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MAM Offers "Treats" in October

 In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, and to bring awareness to Autism, MAM is donating $1 from each Personalized Pacifier order placed for their Pink 0-6 months or 6+ months personalized pacifier to the Susan G. Komen foundation, and $1 from each Personalize Pacifier order placed for their Blue 0-6mos or 6+ mos personalized pacifier to the Autism Speaks foundation.

Express Baby’s Unique Style with MAM’s Personalized Pacifiers which can be customized with baby names and one-of-a-kind sayings. Babies are unique, and now their pacifiers can be too. Designed to blend the comfort MAM pacifiers are known for with the unique style parents crave, MAM’s Personalized Pacifiers can feature the name, nickname or saying of your choice right on the pacifier’s front knob. The MAM Personalized Pacifier is the perfect fit for families on the lookout for stylish baby gear. The one-of-a-kind pacifiers are a thoughtful gift for baby showers, multiples or ‘the baby that has everything,’ as well as a clever choice for families in need of labeled pacifiers for daycare services and other settings.

Like all MAM pacifiers, the Personalized Pacifier features a soft, orthodontic nipple that allows babies to safely satisfy their sucking reflex while maintaining proper jaw and tooth alignment. Each pacifier features an easy-to-grab front knob and a curved shield with generous air holes for a comfortable fit that is gentle on baby’s soft skin.

Personalized pacifiers available in size 0-6 months and 6+ months and may be ordered in sets of two, four, and six. They are available exclusively online at www.mambabypersonalized.com. Two personalized pacifiers are $19.95, four personalized pacifiers are $24.95, and six personalized pacifiers are $29.95. Orders of six personalized pacifiers include free shipping and a gift box. The MAM Personalized Pacifier is 100% BABY SAFE: BPA-free, PVC-free, lead-free, CPSIA-compliant and dishwasher safe.


Plus, this month,MAM is introducing Halloween pacifiers. These limited edition Halloween inspired design pacifiers feature a curved shield allows the pacifier to sit comfortably on baby’s face. MAM Ultra Soft Silicone Nipple allows for the pacifiers to stay comfortably in baby’s mouth due to the anti-slip texture.

 Other features include symmetrical nipple ideal for baby’s jaw development, textured surface and multiple small openings on the pacifier shield allow air to circulate and baby’s skin to breathe. The pacifiers come in a convenient storage case that is reusable and can be used in the microwave to sterilize pacifiers.

Recommended retail: $7.49 (two pack of pacifiers)  To purchase these Halloween themed pacifiers, visit the MAM website, here. Be sure to follow MAM on Facebook, Twitter, and on Pinterest to stay up to date on the latest products, promotions and charitable opportunities.

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My Tween Stole from Me

Since our kids were babies, we've taught them to ask permission before they take something that is not theirs. We teach them to respect other people's things, and we encourage them to use their manner and say, "Please?", when they want something.

So why is it now, at ten years of age, I'm dealing with the unthinkable- my son is stealing from me.

At first it was little things, like food out of the fridge or pantry without permission. Okay, I know what you're going to say, "Every kid does that..it's not really stealing."

Then it moved to other little things, like gum from my purse without permission. Again, not a total travesty, but I made a big deal of it, because he went into my purse without permission, took something that didn't belong to him, and then tried to hide it. THEN when he got busted, he still tried to deny it, and say it wasn't him, despite the unusual overly minty freshness permeating from his mouth.

About six months ago, plus or minus a little, he took our debit card and charged $50 on the Wii for credits. My husband and I flipped out at him. We told him he was going to work it off, and we made him do as much manual labor that we could find and grounded him from everything about a week. I was so angry with him, and disappointed in him.

It stopped for a little while after that, but about a month or two ago, it started again. The lying about stuff "he didn't do" (which he most certainly did), and the taking gum, food, etc, without permission. It was happening more often, and it bothered me. We sat him down and discussed the whole thing with him, explaining how taking ANYTHING without permission is considered stealing, and when you're bigger and caught stealing you can go to jail. He apologized, and we moved along.

This morning, I checked my balance on my bank account, because I'm waiting for an auto-bill payment to hit, and I noticed two charges for Club Penguin. I did not purchase a membership, my husband didn't- so that left the only person who was on the computer- my son.

My husband confronted him while I was in the bathroom, and he denied it, until my husband told him it showed on the bank account. He took out my debit card, placed the order, put it back in my wallet, and back into my purse and went along- life as normal, and didn't tell me about it.

I don't know if I'm more ticked off that he went into my pocketbook without permission, used my card without permission, or tried to lie and deny that he did it!!!

I vented to a few friends and a couple of family members, and they said that they would be pissed. A few told me that every tween/teen goes through it at some point or another. I'm angry! I'm hurt! I'm incredibly disappointed.

I had two people ask me if I thought that with his processing disorders and the Autism, if he really, truly understood what he did. I don't know. I truly feel like he 150% knew what he was doing, knew that he'd probably get caught, and just didn't care. He's got such an entitlement attitude lately, I just don't know what to do.

The approval for the home ABA services can't come soon enough, because I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown on my end. The point of my rant is to ask you, my readers, if YOUR child or anyone you know has ever done anything like this? If so, how did you handle it? How do I handle this. Right now he's grounded, in his room, and not allowed to come out unless he has to eat or use the bathroom. I didn't raise my boy to be a thief. Help!!!!

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Just a Halloween Reminder:

Our Pumpkins ~ Halloween 2012

I did not write this, but it needs to be shared, so I figured I would:

Tonight a lot of creatures will visit your door. Be open minded.

The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills.

The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues.

The child who does not say “trick or treat” or “thank you” might be painfully shy, non-verbal, or selectively mute.

If you cannot understand their words, they may struggle with developmental speech.

The child who looks disappointed when he sees your bowl might have an allergy.

The child who isn’t wearing a costume at all or criticizes your decorations might have sensory processing disorder or autism.

Be kind, be patient, smile, pretend you understand. It’s everyone’s Halloween.

And if you live in an area that might have been affected by Sandy..

Please remember that Children do not understand the devastation that Sandy has created. Remember that today is still Halloween for them. If a child should come trick-or-treating at your door, please put your own frustrations aside. They are children and still innocent, embrace them. They might be looking for something fun to get their minds off of all of the horrible events that Sandy brought with her.

Most importantly, be safe!
Happy Halloween everybody!

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We survived our first day of school!

Most parents don't see what a big deal the title of this post is, but I can assure you that this is a HUGE deal. I can genuinely say that for the first time since my son started preschool, I actually looked forward to school starting this year. As a mom with a son on the Autism Spectrum, (diagnosed only a year ago), that is such a milestone- there are no true words for it.

We've come a long way.

In 4 years we went to five different schools, searching for the proper placement for my son. He has a very high IQ and was deemed gifted in Kindergarten. When he was younger, he far exceeded his peers, and had a desire to do so, but was not in the right placement, and he got stuck. Instead of working with him, recognizing that there was something different and taking action from there, he was ignored, embarrassed, and belittled. He was poisoned to believe that school was a horrible thing to have to suffer through. The idea of him being on the spectrum was thrown at us, almost as a dirty word or a disgrace, but that was in Kindergarten- after they had secluded him, excluded him, and written him off. Never again did it come back up, even after I asked year after year if he could be. If he might be.

If he was.

As a stay at home mom, I've had the ability to be around to fight for my son. And that I did. I fought the school district, I fought administration, I fought with teachers. I did not stand for anyone disrespecting my son because he was different. They kept mislabeling him, misdiagnosing him, and made our lives hell. I kept asking for a placement where he could be engaged, actively learn at and above his grade level, yet be sensitive to his social/emotional needs.

No such place existed, I was told.

I kept fighting- because that's what any good mother would do. We fought through embarrassment after embarrassment, teasing & bullying (from staff and peers); we fought through the tears from not being invited to anyones birthday party, through him celebrating his "weirdness". We fought even against family who still are confused, naive, or unaware of his diagnosis. My own sister told me how appalled she was because my son doesn't have any social skills.

With only a handful of friends as a support system, we kept fighting.

The end of last year, we switched him to school five, as a last effort before we enrolled him into virtual school and I homeschooled him. The placement was in a self contained ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) classroom, but one which was for grades 3-5, and the children were higher functioning. In fact, in this classroom kids are kept to the regular basic ed standards. They do work to integrate the kids back into general population, but I was told that it might take awhile. There were only 8 kids in the class last year, and I was so 'done' that I went with it, just because of the size of the classroom.

It was the biggest break in our fight with the school system.

His teacher was sweet, young, and soft spoken. I thought for sure he would eat her alive, but to my surprise, he adored her. She was patient, kind, yet firm. He pushed his limits and gave her a run for her money, but not once did she speak derogatorily towards me or my son. Not once did she make us- me- seem like I was uneducated, expecting the impossible, or out in left field somewhere. Every concern, every hope, every fear, every experience she took in during our first meeting, saddened that we had to endure as much as we had.

She was the first -and only- district staff member who recognized and appreciated how I fought for my son, and meant it.

In fact, she told me that she wished more parents would stick up for their kids the way I did. I couldn't help but think that if they put us through this, how many other families did they give the same run-around to? How many kids of single parents or working parents fell in the cracks because they didn't have the ability to be at the school four days a week?!

We finished the end of the school year, without many problems, (which I was thankful for). We discussed everything with our son and asked him if he wanted to return in August, before we filled out the paperwork for fourth grade.

He said he'd "really enjoy going back" to this class.

Every August, I would get sick to my stomach in anticipation of a new class, a new teacher, new classmates for my son to have to endure. Not only would I start feeling anxious, the closer it got, the more agitated my son got. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to face a new classroom of bullies, or a teacher who just didn't "get" him. I wouldn't be able to sleep, and I'd stay awake wondering how long it would be before his new teacher would give up, throw in the towel, and tell us they couldn't do it anymore. I dreaded the look of failure in my son's eyes every time we picked him up from the office, or pulled him from a classroom or school. I would cry because it broke my heart- shattered it completely.

A new favorite tee, my son can't
wait to wear to school!

This year was different.

I could concentrate on getting school supplies. My son wanted fun tee- shirts that showed off what he likes, and what he thought was funny, or cool.. without stressing over how his peers would view him. He started to get really excited to see his teacher, and to see if any of his classmates from last year would be there again. I realized I am starting to get my son back.. my smiley, happy son, who loved school, was eager to learn, and had a thirst for knowledge that couldn't be quenched.

I am eager to see where this year takes us.

When he came home today he told me that he's going to be taking science classes in the teacher's class next door. He was very excited, because he worked with her a little bit towards the end of the year last year. He can still have his breaks, and it's close enough to his class that he feels safe- if he's got any issues or problems, he can go right through the pod back to his classroom, his teacher, his environment.

My son was excited!

For the first time in five years, my son was excited about school. And that made my heart leap for joy.

Please, share this post. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to give up. I thought I was too emotionally, mentally or physically exhausted. There were times that the school and district staff made me feel that I was fighting a losing battle. But I was not. I was fighting for my son.. and that is NEVER a losing battle.

I can only pray that other parents with kids like mine read this post, and their energy gets renewed to continue fighting for the needs of their child. For their future, for their everyday- no matter what the issues are at hand. Never give up on your child- they need you. If they don't have you fighting for them, who is?

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Back to school blues-

This time of the year is always bittersweet. Our babies are growing up..

A little old lady in an elevator told me when I was pregnant with Alex to enjoy every moment, because in a blink they start to walk, in a blink they graduate high school, and in a blink they have families of their own. As we left the elevator, I thanked her, and thought to myself how easy that would be, he was my baby.

Having a child with special needs- especially one who wasn't diagnosed for so long- is hard, I'm not going to lie. Having a child who's smart is hard, too. One way or another you're looked at weird. Your child is different. As a mom, we encourage our children to be different, but when they're born different, most try to shelter or hide that. Why is it?

I love my kids. All three of them are so unique and so special.. They all have different strengths and weaknesses, they all have different features and different voices. Different attitudes, and different skills. I can't wait to see how the baby grows up and the little person he becomes.

But I can.

It seems that it was just a few months ago, when I held Abbie to me as an infant. She's now going into first grade. She's got a brand-new-to-teaching new teacher. She seems very sweet. I'm not bothered by the fact that she was only hired a week ago. She's still young enough, and new enough to have that passion for teaching, to not be burnt out like so many teachers we've crossed paths with, and is still excited about teaching. That excites me.

Alex has the same teacher he had during the last semester last year. This is our first full year in a self-contained ASD class. I'm excited for him, but nervous. He adores his teacher, and actually seems excited that he's going back there. I think he's more excited that his buddy Jonathan is back in his class.

This is the first year that I'm not up, literally making myself sick over worry because of his placement, since he started school.

None of my family and friends understand it. Heck, I don't even think my husband understands it. For the first time since the first day of Kindergarten, I'm excited for back to school.

But then I step back, and watch the both of them get ready. They get their shoes on, make their hair perfect, eat some breakfast, and kiss me good bye as they climb on the bus. And I stop. I remember them little, holding my hand while they drank their bottles, promising them I'd love them forever, and treasure every moment always.

Sometimes it's hard, but I think that's truly being a mom.

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April is Autism Awareness Month

Last November, school officials at Alex's old school confronted me with the possibility that he might have a form of high functioning Autism. The possibility alone scared me, crushed me, and made me question the years I spent as a teacher's aide three years before I had Alexzander. During those years I helped teach children with disabilities, kids the schools couldn't handle- or didn't want to handle. I wondered how as a mom, and an educator I could have missed tell-tale signs that point in that direction. Every parenting decision I ever made came flooding back to me, and I questioned it all. I did research, and pulled up new articles, books and discoveries from my library and the internet. I did my best to re-educate me, in case this possibility was to become our reality.

Among the many resources I found, I met a wonderful woman named Maryann. Maryann writes her own blog at MATTHEW'S PUZZLE, talking of the growth and acheivements her son Matthew has accomplished, and his journey- their journey, together as a family. Maryann is not only an inspiration, but she's an amazing friend, and a great writer.

This month, to celebrate and raise Autism Awareness, MATTHEW'S PUZZLE is hosting an Autism Awareness celebration and giving away many items that she's found through her journey and experience with Matthew. Although the celebration ends on the 24th, the entry deadline is May 1st. Click on the banner below to read more about these exciting product reviews, (and more about Matthew's Puzzle), and help spread the word- AUTISM IS TREATABLE!

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