Am I screwing this up? Thoughts on Parenting..

When you have kids, nobody gives you a training booklet or a manual on how not to eff it up. They should, but they don't. Okay, in reality, I know that there's no cookie cutter "one-size-fits-most" approach to parenting, but the bottom line is- sometimes the job just sucks.

There are definite seasons of parenting, too. One season, you look back at it, and say, this was a great season in parenting.. our kids aren't schmucks, they didn't argue with each other a ton, and nobody at school was bit, hit or kicked. You smile, and pat yourself on the back a little, and move into the next season, hoping it can only be as successful.

Little do you know, you're about to walk into the most hellish experience of your life. Your teenager talks back, got his first 2 cavities, and his first F on his report card. Your 10 year old {who is normally well behaved and follows directions} decided she wants to see just how much attitude she can dish before mommy pulls out her own hair, and the toddler. Oh, the toddler.

Because he is potty training, you have to stop at every single potty, at every single public place you stop for several weeks.  This is your third time potty training, so it shouldn't be "new news" but somehow, you don't recall it being *this* bad. I know if that's my only complaint, I should rejoice and be glad, but I'm really tired of taking the tour of local public potties.

Did I mention the teenager got an "F"??? What class did he get an F in? Oh, you know, just 'Business Tech', the class that when he started and they handed out the syllabus and it said, "In this class we will learn how to use Power Point, Excel, and sharpen our typing skills", and your son is the smart ass that interrupts the class to say, "I've known how to use those programs since 1st grade." Yeah... that's the class he failed.

Now, I'm an "old lady" by my kids standards, but it wasn't too long ago when I was in 7th grade. I had straight A's and busted my ass to get them. I was afraid if I didn't my parents would kill me. Still to this day, I have no idea if that was something they said to me or instilled in me somehow, but what I would do to instill it in this boy!! He is SO smart- "gifted" actually- but sometimes he acts like the dullest crayon in the box, if you know what I'm saying. He's taken his autism diagnosis and truly made growth in leaps and bounds.. With the help of his ABA and his counselor, his behavior at school has improved. When the ABA is here, he generally does well, but when they're not, he becomes an entitled little shit.

The disrespect is what kills me the most. I try to raise all of my kids not to be disrespectful.. I have no idea if this is "the age", "the autism", or just my son. Either way, it sucks.

I know from experience that it is just a season, and that "this too shall pass", but for the love of God, it's nothing but chaos! I sent a snap to my friend on snap chat last night and said... "there's not enough wine in the house for this...." and it has never been more truer.

Please someone who has an older son, or daughter, tell me that this is just a phase, too???

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Life has a funny way of happening.

Once upon a time, I was a mom blogger in the height of the mom-bloggy boom. (It's a real thing, I googled it.) I flew around the country, got to review the hottest toys, games, household gadgets and gizmos. I felt like I was someone important.

Then life hit me. Hard. And without support, I faltered. 

My son's Autism Spectrum Diagnosis (as well as his various other processing, functioning disorders) threw me for a loop. 

My daughter had some unexplained health scares, that while they're not as scary as they once were, they're still pretty damn scary. 

My mom died. It happens, but it's not supposed to happen until your parents are old and wrinkly. 

My baby (who's 3 and may forever be called "the baby") also got a diagnosis of Sensory integration and processing disorder. 

I started a new business, to try to supplement my income, and did pretty well with it. 

My best friend (since the 9th grade) passed away unexpectedly at 34 years of age. 

My marriage was falling apart, and while I have a few good friends where I live now, I was still missing something. 

An outlet. A place where I could be me- free of judgement on how fat or skinny I am, how pissed off at the world I sound, or why I'm excited because I found a bag of Cheetos on sale. I'm not a crazy coupon mom, and while I might post a recipe or two, this blog is not for that. 

Primarily, it's for me. To help me through this slump, and to help me find my voice again. 

It's for my kids- so that they can experience all of the fun things it is to be a kid of a bloggy mom. 

It's for my fans. Because once upon a time I had a shit ton of them, too. 

And it's for other women. Maybe they can read my stories, or experiences, or reviews, or whatever and relate. Know they're not alone, and they're not completely bat shit for feeling the way that they do.. about life.. about grief.. about parenting.. about everything. 

So... hey, I'm Lauren. I've lost myself in the past 2-3 years, and am actively looking for me again. I like books, music, travel, food, movies, wine, booze with the girls from time to time. I don't smoke, and I hate to exercise, even though I really need it, and should exercise more. My favorite place on earth to be is the beach, and while I love the change of seasons, most of the time (until it's 90* in November) I like living in the Tampa Bay area. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and I look forward to seeing some comments, so I know I'm not just talking to the walls. Or the computer. Or .. well, you get it. 

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Kid President: Declaration of Awesome TV Series on the Hub! 6/21

Set your alarms or DVR's, and get ready for this pint-sized, powerful premiere.

Based on the wildly popular YouTube series “Kid President,” which has over 75 million views, 10-year-old Robby Novak, aka Kid President, brings his playful spirit, positive approach to life, and inspirational message to change this world for the better to the new TV series “Kid President: Declaration of Awesome.” This half-hour docu-variety program reflects the universal values of kids and families across the country as seen through the lens of Kid President.

In each episode, Kid President introduces a theme that is explored through interviews and interactions with a variety of diverse families. Each episode also features interactions between Kid President and a variety of guest stars, including Kevin Costner (“Draft Day”), Gene Simmons (KISS), Jamie Foxx (“The Amazing Spiderman 2”), Craig Robinson (“Get On Up”), Mario Lopez (Host, “Extra”), ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic (Musician), and plenty of other surprises. So, mark your calendars, and get ready for these amazing life lessons starting June 21st at 7pm EST/4pm PT.

The first episode is about "Heroes", forcing you to stop and truly think if a hero is someone in a cape and tights or if it's an every day person in your world. Great food for thought, and an awesome way to open conversations with your kids about real-world, heavy duty stuff. Go.. be a parent, talk to your kids about this. If you haven't heard of Kid President, run- don't walk- to YouTube and check out some of the programs there. His laugh is crazy contagious. Enjoy!

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End of {School} Year Festivities!

It's been a hell of a journey to get to where we are today. My son is in fifth grade and on the verge of being a middle schooler. Tomorrow we go on the end of the year field trip... to Sea World, Orlando!!

I'm so excited about it, probably more so than my son. It's been an emotional year.. the first one without grandma.

He's handled that better than me. It's times like this, with all of the end of the year events, that I really miss her. She wouldn't have missed this for the world.

I have no idea what I'm doing with the kids this summer. The blog will be getting a little bit of a make over, and the whole tone of my posts will change a little, to become more "me". I'm excited for the posts that I have planned, and a few reviews for products and brands that I've been loyal to through the years.

If you have a baby, snuggle with that little bundle of awesomeness.. it really does fly as soon as you blink a few times. I didn't believe it, but it's truer than any thing I've ever read on the internet.

If you have a toddler or a smaller child, breathe. Whatever they're doing that you're irritated by.. it's not the end of the world. You'll survive, and so will they. Building them up, instead of tearing them down- now that's real parenting. Be careful with the words you speak.. Looking back, I can tell you, just because he colored on the bathroom walls with blue marker is no reason to tear him down.

It's a mess, yes, but he's your baby. A glorious gift that was given to you. Cherish him. Even when he's being disobedient or naughty. Laugh. Let it go. Move on. Love them.

It goes very, very quickly.

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Let Your Children PLAY!

So, the other day on my personal Facebook page, I wrote this:

 It was by far one of the most liked statuses that didn't involve my kids in quite sometime.

But it was true.

 All of the board games are starting to change.. Hasbro, what is wrong with you?! Ever hear the saying, "If it isn't broke, don't fix it!"?!  Isn't the point of Operation supposed to be that it's annoying, and frustrating, and fun, and AWESOME when you can finally figure out how to get that darn funny bone out without buzzing? Since 1965, right? Why the change now?

Now, as a mom of a child with special needs, I have to say, don't start attacking me about the fact that there's kids out there with poor dexterity, blah, blah, blah. The solution is simple- if it's too difficult for your kid, try something else. Try Perfection, or puzzles to help with fine motor skills, if they're young. I didn't try operation until Alex was much older than the 6 year age on the box. Be smart.

The people who commented agreed, too, stating that we are in an era of every kid being a winner, and others who expresses how sad it is that *this* is our future.

What happened to allowing your kids to play with worms, get skinned knees, and mud in their hair?

I consider myself an old school mom.. because I care about my kids, but I don't coddle my kids. They're going to get scraped, dirty, and germy. They're kids. It's their criteria. If they're exploring the world, and learning how to become well rounded individuals, they're not going to be clean, hand-sanitized, freaks who are a little too obsessive about scootering on the flat part of the sidewalk, and picking up the scooter every time there's a crack. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PEOPLE?! If your kid does this, you need to shake them... or yourself. When we were kids, the world was different, yes. I'm not saying let your kids play unsupervised and shout from the door when it's time for little Johnny to come in and wash up- but let your kids play. Let them play hard. I start twitching every time little Janey up the road (she's not really named Janey) plays with my daughter.

Abbie loves to climb trees (in her dresses), and she digs in the dirt with her bare hands, and she likes to scooter up the sidewalk and doesn't flinch over the cracks. She's experiencing life.

When she falls and scrapes her leg, we don't run over and carry her in (unless she's really bad, c'mon, I'm not that cruel), we make her hobble in, and help her clean it. Then we snuggle on the couch, or she goes back out to play. The same way my mom did for me.  

In the 70's, I might have been called a "refrigerator mom" because of the way strangers might perceive me in situations similar to that above. I would much rather be considered a Refrigerator Mom than a "Helicopter Mom"... At least then, I'd still be cool.

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My Tween Stole from Me

Since our kids were babies, we've taught them to ask permission before they take something that is not theirs. We teach them to respect other people's things, and we encourage them to use their manner and say, "Please?", when they want something.

So why is it now, at ten years of age, I'm dealing with the unthinkable- my son is stealing from me.

At first it was little things, like food out of the fridge or pantry without permission. Okay, I know what you're going to say, "Every kid does that..it's not really stealing."

Then it moved to other little things, like gum from my purse without permission. Again, not a total travesty, but I made a big deal of it, because he went into my purse without permission, took something that didn't belong to him, and then tried to hide it. THEN when he got busted, he still tried to deny it, and say it wasn't him, despite the unusual overly minty freshness permeating from his mouth.

About six months ago, plus or minus a little, he took our debit card and charged $50 on the Wii for credits. My husband and I flipped out at him. We told him he was going to work it off, and we made him do as much manual labor that we could find and grounded him from everything about a week. I was so angry with him, and disappointed in him.

It stopped for a little while after that, but about a month or two ago, it started again. The lying about stuff "he didn't do" (which he most certainly did), and the taking gum, food, etc, without permission. It was happening more often, and it bothered me. We sat him down and discussed the whole thing with him, explaining how taking ANYTHING without permission is considered stealing, and when you're bigger and caught stealing you can go to jail. He apologized, and we moved along.

This morning, I checked my balance on my bank account, because I'm waiting for an auto-bill payment to hit, and I noticed two charges for Club Penguin. I did not purchase a membership, my husband didn't- so that left the only person who was on the computer- my son.

My husband confronted him while I was in the bathroom, and he denied it, until my husband told him it showed on the bank account. He took out my debit card, placed the order, put it back in my wallet, and back into my purse and went along- life as normal, and didn't tell me about it.

I don't know if I'm more ticked off that he went into my pocketbook without permission, used my card without permission, or tried to lie and deny that he did it!!!

I vented to a few friends and a couple of family members, and they said that they would be pissed. A few told me that every tween/teen goes through it at some point or another. I'm angry! I'm hurt! I'm incredibly disappointed.

I had two people ask me if I thought that with his processing disorders and the Autism, if he really, truly understood what he did. I don't know. I truly feel like he 150% knew what he was doing, knew that he'd probably get caught, and just didn't care. He's got such an entitlement attitude lately, I just don't know what to do.

The approval for the home ABA services can't come soon enough, because I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown on my end. The point of my rant is to ask you, my readers, if YOUR child or anyone you know has ever done anything like this? If so, how did you handle it? How do I handle this. Right now he's grounded, in his room, and not allowed to come out unless he has to eat or use the bathroom. I didn't raise my boy to be a thief. Help!!!!

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On Juggling and Surfing

As a mom of 6, I know many think my situation can't be like theirs. After all, SIX kids has to be nearly impossible! I must be insane, running to and fro like a lunatic all day! I must have some mom secret no one else has! How can I juggle a home business, homeschooling and keeping a home, not to mention keeping hubby happy? I'm SUPER mom!

Ha. Nothing could be further from the truth. Or, perhaps, It is ALL true. I'm going to give you some big secrets. You won't find this in any supermarket self help book, e-newsletter or $10 e-book online. Oh, and I'm not a P.H.D. in child "anything", so you may not want to bet your life on this advice. Here is advice #1, and it's not even my advice, a friend got it from a mom of 300 in the park one day.

You're going to screw it up. Yes. Somewhere along the line, you're going to do it wrong. Now, get over it. Move on, you have too much to do to worry about whether your kids will need counseling because you didn't bring them to enough play dates or have a perfect home.

Next piece of advice. This will help you deal with advice #1.

Your kids will love you anyway. My mom always told me, if you give them equal parts love and discipline, they will be balanced. They are not keeping score, you'll just know. This brings me to the next advice.

You have to discipline your kids. They will not break. They actually appreciate knowing who is in control. This goes beyond "please don't touch that stove or run into the street." This means when you say "wait", they wait. When you say "ask me once, and don't whine", they do it because they know you mean what you say, you'll do it, on your time, when you can. This does teach them to respect other people's boundaries. This will be painful at first, but the best training I ever gave my kids was that they better not carry on once I say something. It takes longer with some than others, and consequences were quick and sometimes painful (no, not just spanking), but it works. This sounds harsh, but things run smoothly when, 1. they do as they are told immediately and 2. they all pitch in, even the 2 year old. This way, I can be freed up to give them what they actually need. Give them as much responsibility as they can be taught, you'd be surprised. Everything I do here, I ask myself, can THEY do this? Everything they ask for, I say, you can get it yourself, or you can wait.

Capable, responsible children are trained, they don't just appear. Next advice.

Pick your battles. You've heard this. I mean everywhere. Do I NEED or WANT this. What are my priorities, kids with impeccable matching outfits, clean rooms and the ability to NEVER bicker? Or kids who are polite, helpful and can work out their problems themselves without fisticuffs and screaming? Refer to the last advice on this. Teach them the boundaries of interpersonal behavior with you and each other, and stick to it! It may take until they're 18, but, well, it's our job. For ourselves, do we CARE if the house is immaculate, or will this wait? Sometimes I wish I had time for manicures and salons, but usually I'd rather just not go out. I have shoes to make and the kids have teen group, plus I MUST have dinner on the table every night. Learn how to say "no" everywhere in your life.

A confession: Sometimes I stay up until 2 am, JUST to get some alone time. Socializing online is addictive, I'm sure you all know. My biggest hurdle to reach before school starts is to know when to STOP, and go to sleep. I can keep making shoes, promoting, tweeting. All night. Must stop doing this.

One last thing. This is a huge issue for many women I talk to. It may be controversial for some since we've been weaned on feminism, but for 20 years it's worked for me with boundless returns. And I've seen the opposite NOT work. It's about our husbands. They're men, so it's simple. If the hubby/partner situation is a problem in juggling home/family/business/sanity, stop and think. Do you fill his love bank with what he REALLY needs? Because honestly, it's simple with most reasonable men. They need very little, really. Do they come home to the chaos we've dealt with all day? If we're working, they understand, most of the time, but if there's food on the table, a little love and attention ("I APPRECIATE your help SO much honey, you're my HERO!!"), goes a long way, and to not have to listen to the minutia of each small issue we're totally wired to deal with amongst our friends and female relatives. If you need something, just ask for it. They don't need the story, or hints, or resentments, it doesn't work anyway! Another great piece of advice, and this is a HUGE secret; if you want something done, start doing it yourself. Even if you can't. In the end, either you will be proud of the work you did, or he'll jump in and help. Men are doers, not listeners. Think of the teacher on the Peanuts cartoons. That is what we sound like to most men.

Disclaimer: This advice does not cover each situation and is not meant to. We all need to know how much we can handle, and handle what we take on. My daughter will not melt if she doesn't have dance lessons, and hubby will have to iron his own shirts. I have boundaries, you know.

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"BY THE BOOK How to Take Care of MY Kids" Review & Giveaway!

In a blink of an eye, our gorgeous, sweet, darling little children can turn into rambunctious, mischievous little things that yearn to drive your baby sitter running towards the street.

Ok, maybe your children are not that bad, but I babysat and nannied for years, and I know that there are some kids that just hate sitters. They try to take advantage of them, and end up on a sugar high because they convinced the sitter that Mommy or Daddy gives them chocolate milk before bedtime instead of water.

As a mom, I've joked that my kids didn't come with a manual.. but I've now found a manual to personalize for my kids! Whether you've hired a new Nanny, or an occasional babysitter so you and your hubby can go out for "date night", this book manual is a must have for every household! "BY THE BOOK, How to Take Care of MY Kids" is an exceptional tool for anyone who might be caring for your kids- even grandma!

The three ring binder allows for the unique refill pages to be updated accordingly. From weekly routines, to my favorite page, "What They Like, What They Don't", includes enough space to write all of your children's likes and dislikes, plus what items are "OFF LIMITS"!

The pages in this book are sure to keep the caregiver, parents and child all on the same page, and like no other baby sitter guide out there!

Want It?
Head over to ByTheBookKids.com to purchase your copy now for $19.95 +S&H. For being a reader at 4BabyAndMom, you can use the coupon code: BTBK7757 to save 25%!!!

WIN IT!
Our friends at Karmel Publishing have offered one eBook of BY THE BOOK How to Take Care of MY Kids to giveaway!

Here's How:
Visit our friends at ByTheBookKids.com. Find something you love- a feature, a different book cover, a tidbit about the company- and come back here and tell me what you found. Please, no cheating.. there's plenty of great info on their site!

Extra Entries:

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• Follow 4BabyAndMom and Karmel Publishing on Twitter and tweet about this review & giveaway. You may R/T: "Who ever said that kids don't come with a manual? Make life easier on your sitter w/BY THE BOOK.. http://bit.ly/148WwI @4BabyAndMom Ends8/14" Leave the link to the tweet in your comment, please. (Up to 3x/day, please!)
• Post about this giveaway on your blog! Please include a link to both 4BabyAndMom and BY THE BOOK. Please leave the link to your post in your comment.
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This giveaway is open to residents of US & Canada and will end on August 14th, at 11:59pm EST. One winner will be chosen at random using Random.org. Special thanks to Karmel Publishing for sponsoring this review & giveaway!

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Not your typical guide to parenting..."Guide To Pirate Parenting" Review and Giveaway!

Raising children has been a difficult journey, so far. Most parenting books on the market have lists of do's and don'ts that never seem to fit in with my life, or the personalities of my children. At times, my kids are the sweetest things ever, and others- well, sometimes I really feel as if I'm trying to tame a wild animal or as if I am trying to teach a pirate manners.. it truly feels impossible!

When I received the book Guide to Pirate Parenting why you should raise your children as pirates and 101 tips on how to do it, I cracked it open while sipping a glass of wine after a particularly hard day. After the introduction, I knew that this book would be exactly what I needed. No, not a hard core lesson on truly raising my kids as pirates, but an I-can-barely-put-it-down-because-I'm-laughing-too-hard type of book.

I will warn you, for this book you have to have a certain respect for Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's coarse way of expressing his opinions. Not to mention a sense of humor to really understand Tim Bete's warped, yet loving, non-traditional guide to parenting your pirate.

This book makes an excellent gift for new dads, parents that have children that drive them bonkers sometimes, but is not for the prissy, weak stomached parental units. My husband laughed even louder throughout this book than I, as I think Pirate Parenting might be interpreted a little better by those who share the Y chromosome, (and believe it or not, I think I understand the way men think a little bit better after reading this book!).

As Bete writes, "Men don't have to think about the reasons for raising children as pirates because they intuitively know the great benefits of doing so. It is the same Y chromosome that allows men to intuitively know the answer to "Why don't I try to dust the inside of the house using a leaf blower?" In all likelyhood, most men have all ready skipped ahead to the section about converting the family minivan into a pirate schooner, and are in the garage beginning the project. Converting a minivan into a pirate schooner is such a compelling project for men that they would do it even if it meant that they had to raise their children as rodeo clowns. (Legal disclaimer: Raising your children as rodeo clowns is an extremely bad idea, unless you want your children to grow into adults who wear heavy makeup, taunt other people, and then hide in barrels.) Women have an X chromosome instead of a Y chromosome. Studies show that the primary purpose of the X chromosome is to cross out- and negate- ideas created by beings that possess the Y chromosome. Men's personal experience will bear this out."

Want it?
If this type of parenting book sounds like something that you'd appreciate, you don't need a map to find PirateParenting.com. Head over there for more insight about pirate parenting, and to order the book for yer self.. ahem, yourself.

WIN IT!
In the meantime, (after twittering some with Cap'n Billy, and walking away with all of my limbs still in tact!) Cap'n Billy and Tim Bete have offered one lucky reader at 4BabyAndMom the opportunity to win their very own copy of Guide to Pirate Parenting!

Here's how!
Head over to the Pirate Parenting website and take a look around. If it doesn't scare you off, come back here and tell me why you want to win the Guide to Pirate Parenting, and an interesting tidbit from the site.

Extra Entries:

• Follow PIRATE PARENTING and 4BABYANDMOM on Twitter and tweet about this giveaway. Please post @4BabyAndMom and @PirateParenting on your tweet!
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• Blog about this contest and include a link to 4BabyAndMom. Post your blog link in your comment, please.
  
• Email at least three of your friends and CC: 4BabyAndMom {at} gmail {dot} com
• Fave this post on Technorati, Stumble this post, or DIGG this post, include link if possible.

This contest ends on May 6th, 2009 at midnight, EST. Winner will be chosen at Random, using Random.org. Winner will be announced on May 7th. Special thanks to Cap'n Billy and Tim Bete for sponsoring this giveaway!

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Mommy Confidence by 'TheGoToMom' Review and Giveaway!

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, "The Go-To Mom", is a national parenting expert and can be seen on BabyTV discussing many topics from parenting and discipline through emotional coaching and more. Research on early education and brain development, as well as various specialists are featured on "The Go-To Mom" and viewers can call in to ask questions live. If you don't get BabyTV, feel free to browse THE GO-TO MOM website for video clips and lessons on managing your children, home and life.

Kimberley's new book, Mommy Confidence 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation, and Your Inner Diva walks you through practical ways to claim the parenting style that best fits your personality, make your dreams a reality, break the cycle of mommy competition, create your Life Wish List, and become a better mommy. Do this all while building your inner strength, confidence, and motivation.

It's really easy to lose track of yourself after having kids, but with Mommy Confidence, you'll have the tools to become more self-aware, bond with other women, become calm and centered, and reach the goals you dream about. What are you waiting for? Head to your nearest book store or CLICK HERE to purchase it on the web.

WIN IT!
One lucky reader is going to win their copy of Mommy Confidence! Spend some time at THE GO-TO MOM website, then come back here and tell me something interesting you learned while there, and why you want to win! After that, check out the extra entry opportunities below.

Please include your email address in your comments.

Extra Entries:

• Sign up for The Go-To Mom Email Newsletter! Include the email address you used when you signed up in your comment. (2 entries!)
• Help the fight against Cancer and support my friend on her walk: Donate Here! (5 entries)
  
• Follow 4BabyAndMom and add our button to your site!
• Blog about this contest and include a link to 4BabyAndMom. Post your blog link in your comment, please.
  
• Follow 4BabyAndMom on TWITTER and tweet about this contest!
• Email at least three of your friends and CC: 4BabyAndMom {at} gmail {dot} com
• Fave this post on Technorati, Stumble this post, or DIGG this post, include link if possible.

This contest ends on Monday, May 4th, 2009 at midnight, EST. Winner will be chosen at Random, using Random.org. Special thanks to Kimberley Clayton Blaine for sponsoring this giveaway, and Dragonfly Partners for this opportunity.

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